I am a mess but I’ll get better
So today I feel absolute clarity about my life. Today I ended things with a guy I liked a bit but not enough, and was ~friendzoned by the guy I do like. Neither of these guys have what I need. I need similar interests and passion and humour, but I also need availability and (self-)respect. I need both, and It’ll be hard to find someone with both but it will be worth the wait. Essentially I’ve discovered I’m a closet romantic idealist. It’s sad in a sense, but also hopeful because I have faith that one day I’ll find it.
I’ve also realised how I’ve just been sailing through life. I haven’t been doing any uni work because it stresses me out and I’m so facepalmingly hedonistic that I’d rather focus on the present and try to be happy than think about what I should be doing to get to where I want to be in life. So I’m going to start taking life seriously again. Sad about being poor? Do some fucking work and make money. Frustrated with my uni projects? Turn them into something you’d be happy to work on. Fuck it’s like I’ve been in a daze for months. Or longer. I think it’s been 2 years almost to the week. I know I want to be successful, why haven’t I been trying?! I will now.
literally living a way less sexy and less successful Friends With Benefits storyline
I am an unequivocal romantic mess. We had to stop half way through a serious conversation about how we should deal with this friendship/relationship thing (I basically decided I don’t want to hold myself back from kissing him even if he has commitment/whatever issues blah) and that was 7 hours ago and now I’ve woken up and can’t sleep again and I don’t know what’s going to happen when we finish this conversation today.
p.s. also got offered a summer camp job in America when I got home last night so that’s crazy
p.p.s. I was coming home from a date with somebody else. I = mess.
I don’t need somebody to praise my attainments I need somebody to accept my flaws