So I’ve spent all afternoon redesigning my harry potter blog to match my other harry potter blogishtypething and now i’m sad because my interests are split in so many directions. There are some things I can dip in and out of freely like music and film, but most of my interests take so much time to pursue fully and I’m … like butter scraped over too much bread. I just see something I like and realise there’s a whole world behind it that I want to explore.. tbh my mind’s not in any order about these things so I’m going to list them and try and make sense of myself, feel free to skip:

• Blogging. I suppose this is mainly pouretrebelle, aka the time thief. As much as I love it and its legacy is incredible and I’m so proud of it I just can’t afford to spend 4 hours a day finding content and scrolling through my rss aggregator so it goes neglected for weeks :( which make me feel so guily. should it be my priority? I suppose the upside is that it morphs with my interests so it will always be relevant, and I’ll always come back to it even if it takes a while. this category also includes my strange compulsion to document every aspect of my life online so my blogspot, mixtape, sketchbook blog and notebook blog too. and this one.
• Web Design. Pretty obvious. very time consuming. so that’s all my personal sites and tumblr themes (tbh I probably spend more time designing the site that sells the themes than the themes that I sell). also time spent emailing silly people and fretting over being late replying to silly people. and the occasional freelance work. and keeping track of a couple of dozen front end dev blogs and a few podcasts. as well as the occasional distraction on codepen. web design is so cruel because it’s constantly evolving and there’s always always new things to learn. Like I spent days building the front end of a sick web app but haven’t got around to learning how to structure its communication with the database.
• Jewellery. So I’m doing this at uni so that’s not something I can put aside for a couple of weeks, but does mean that since I’m doing uni assignments I rarely just make stuff for me any more. It was a good idea to shut down my shop, too much pressure and too little dedication/time. I’ve imagined for the last year owning a small upmarket jewellery boutique but over time (esp. with the purchase of this) I’ve been leaning more towards film making, but I’d have to make that tough creative/techie decision (between building sets and minatures and costume jewellery to doing more cgi stuff) when I just want to do everything so let’s not think about that right now ok this is supposed to be a list with succinct comments stop rambling Charlotte.
• Reading. Ok so I’m putting this into three categories:
  • Harry Potter, Tolkien or any other series. I get so absorbed in fantasy lit. So this is the sort of stuff that I have to read all the way through at least once a year (as long as I’m into it. as in I haven’t read Twilight since 2010) so it stays fresh. This is quite a detrimental hobby when you read Lord Of The Rings and the Hobbit and feel a strong compulsion to know everything that ever happened in the legendarium. Just got the whole Ice & Fire set for Christmas.. I’ve been reading each along with the series but now I’m craving more. Also this category is particularly painful when there are films. I can dead on recite every extended lotr film and probably most of the appendices and cast commentaries.
  • Fanfiction. Will be the death of me. It’s one of those things that you just stumble upon on a September evening in 2009 and soon enough you’re shipping your slash otp like there’s no tomorrow and trying to hide your shameful addiction while reading smut on your phone in Chemistry class. I happened upon the drarry fandom which has an enormous amount of stories only loosely assembled in rec lists, so I’ve taken it upon myself as of the start of this year to archive&review every fic I read here (it’s so so so annoying when you losely remember the plot to something but don’t know what it’s called. so much easier to do than with normal novels because they revolve around the same characters and locations, I need to keep a record just to stop myself from reading the same thing twice!). And I have a huge list I want to get through and then I want to have a crack at writing one of my own given the experience of having read so many so I know what I like and dislike. Also, my new kindle is making it much easier to just be constantly reading fanfiction.
  • Classics. I’d love to be some well rounded academic, but there are so many essential books to read it’s overwhelming. Becoming well read is a pain in the ass because no mater how much I may enjoy reading Dickens or Eliot or Fitzgerald I’d almost always prefer to be reading some much less taxing fantasy or fanfiction. I’m trying to make a deal with myself that I’ll alternate between a proper novel and a fanfic but it’s easier to do them simultaneously (even if this does result in me spending 3 months reading Crime and Punishment while getting through millions of words of fic).
  • Sneaky fourth category of things that don’t fit into any of these like my minor obsession with Bret Easton Ellis’ writing style and mild determination to read everything on this poster that I have on my wall.  Also all that modern stuff like Haruki Murakami (received 1Q84 yesterday, 3 chapters in). Also any latinygreekymythology stuff, but that’s a lot of verse I’ve only dipped my toe into. 
• Formula 1. Totally blaming my family for this one (since I can remember we used to watch it together). I only started getting mental about it in the last ~3 seasons, before that it was like ‘oh look the grand prix’s on let’s watch’, but now it’s more like ‘yeah I can’t make it to the club tonight, Practice 1 starts at 5am tomorrow!’. Actually my family has joint blame with SkyF1’s seemingly constant coverage. It’s another one of those totally absorbing worlds with such a rich history that I’m not a part of but even so it’s incredibly interesting and satisfying to observe. I often think of making an F1 blog but have managed to restrain myself so far.
• Youtube. It’s not even something I do it’s just something I stalk, like I spent a whole week pretty much watching every vlogbrothers video since the beginning of time. It’s so addictive. I try to cull my subscriptions so I only watch things that are either educational or relevant to me and not just cats but it’s hard b/c cats are cute.
• Life. ? I suppose what even impassionate people spend their time doing. Like socializing (don’t get me wrong I love people, this is just supposed to be a list of hobbies/activities but then also like time-spending things so I guess it counts)

Then there are quite a few things that I used to do way more of but don’t fit into my life now, like designing and making clothes and photography. And I’ve really academically slipped and it pains me that while I can improve Englishy skills with reading I’m never going to be as good at Maths and French and Chemistry as I was two years ago because I’m never going to be patient enough to learn them (unless I move to Paris to work as an electrical engineer.. could happen never know).

I think I just have to be much more strict with myself if I’m going to balance all these things. F1 is obviously only at certain times so that can’t change but I tend to have strong bouts of the others (like in the last week all I’ve really been doing is reading (and socializing ok)) rather than a regular flow of all of them. I had an idea about setting weekly goals for 2013, like way in advanced set dates to read certain books and release themes, then perhaps I’ll be a bit more efficient. But knowing me I wouldn’t keep to the deadlines and wouldn’t have the heart to punish myself so really any slight attempt at organisation is futile.

I can’t start reading Blackout. I just can’t.

I have chocolate ready and waitingopened. I’m so scared. What if the gondola sinks?!?!?

I’ve read and forgotten so many fics that this is now the third in a row that I feel like I’ve read before.. I’ve definitely read before. But I don’t remember the end so

Things I’ve done today

• Woke up at 10 long enough to eat a bacon sandwich
• slept in until 1:30
• read the hunger games for a while
• showered
• decided I wanted to add a portfolio to my personal site but didn’t start it beyond just sketching
• came up with a great money making scheme / business idea for whenever I have the time and money and effort and need for money
• followed Forever Day during the radio plays
• made half a bracelet for my bro’s gf
• listened to Christmas music

what I have done today:

• half woke up at 8ish thinking I’d missed all my alarms and it was actually 11
• actually woke up at 10
• read Mockingjay until 11
• dozed until 12:30
• ate and showered
• dozed until 2
• read Mockingjay
• hastily rose and went shopping with emma for ss presents at 3
• came back at 4:30
• read Mockingjay until 6
• made a sandwich
• dozed until 9
• finished Mockingjay at 12
• answering email since

I think it’s safe to say that in the 9 hours I’ve actually been awake today I’ve been reading Mockingjay for ~70% of it.

I just started uncontrollably crying because this book that I’ve wanted for over a year isn’t being sold for £45 from Amazon any more and I don’t know what to do. I need this book like I need air. I already have a paperback copy but I need this version to go with it’s bothers Hobbit & LotR. I wanted to keep them forever, to hand them to my kids when they’re old enough to read. I was content for it to stay in my wishlist until I had money to treat myself (ie right now) because I knew I’d own it eventually and that it would become part of a collection of literature that I’d always treasure.. But it’s gone now. I’m going to have to find it in a book shop before they actually all disappear. And I have to get Children of Hurin aswell. I hate change and things fading.

/ hysterical crying rant

just found out Anne McCaffrey died a couple of days ago..

I’ve always wanted to read the Dragonriders of Pern but considered it too big an undertaking um. that’s sad though